Hi, my name's Emma, and I'm addicted to dance.
Like any addiction, it brings some pain. Right now, I have a bruise under each knee, and one of them is accompanied by a snazzy floor burn. Both my toenails are bruised, too, and one of them is almost completely purple from pointe. (sorry, I tend to overshare when it comes to dance injuries) And yeah they hurt--each time I stub my toe I am faced with the wrath of hours of pointe--but honestly, nothing makes me happier than looking at those bruises and floor burns and knowing that it was my hard work and passion and drive that gave me them.
I'm coming off of a dance high right now. I had recital pictures on Wednesday, and then we've been at the theater since Friday for dress and the shows. Our last show was last night. Since it's all I've been doing for the last several days, all I want to do right now is dance, but summer classes don't start for a couple of weeks and I can't even take the first half of classes.
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That's a snippet of a post that I started to write back in June the day after our last recital. Only a few things have changed since then--the floor burns and bruises have disappeared (and I've gained a few new ones) Also I lost a toenail. Fun, man.
I wanted to write this maybe for myself if I ever feel a bit burned out, as a reminder of why I love dancing so much.
There come a point in every ballet class where I ask myself, "why the heck do you do this to yourself for four hours every week?"
It's usually after tendus during the first balance we take in first. The sweat has started to set in by this point, my feet are cramped, and my calves are burning. I want to quit.
The first ten minutes or so of class always seems the hardest to me, going through plies and then tendus, my body despises getting back into the swing of things in class.
But I keep going back.
And it's at that point that I ask myself, "Why? Why are you still here if it hurts everything and you lost an entire freaking toenail from it and you get home and only want to eat ice cream and go to sleep? Why have you stuck with it?"
And I guess it's just the little things:
that perfect double, when you leave pointe and think, 'that actually went decently', when the teacher commends you in front of the whole class, or just when you completely lose it in improv and the music takes over and you just move--
It's those things that keep me going even if it hurts and I'm sweating a ridiculous amount and my toenails are falling off.
I love that there are things my body and mind will never be rid of now-- the constant, pounding rhythm of 8, 8, 4, 4, 2, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1
I love the reckless feeling that comes during improv or when you reach the point in a inversion or shoulder stand where you go weightless and realize that it's too late to back down now.
So I guess I dance because I really do love it. I love the sweat, the tears, the blood, the mutual panic that circulates the dressing room when someone says, "crap, I forgot shorts, does anyone have an extra pair?" and everyone scrambles to find a pair for them to use. I love the community that has been formed, even if the gossip and drama tears it down a bit sometimes.
These are my people, the ones who don't look at me weird when I mention being at the barre, the ones who congratulate you if your hips cracks really loudly and laugh with you, not at you if you fall on your butt in the middle of a combo.
Because really, all of us are tied together by the same bond--even if some like ballet, others prefer hip-hop, and another may be a tapper--but it's the love of dance that keeps us together,
that keeps us going back when we're sore and everything hurts,
that makes our lives brighter.
Yeah, dance is what keeps me going, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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