For when you feel like you don't deserve it

Do you ever just take a second and look at your life and realize how amazing it is?

I mean, seriously, what did I ever do to deserve these five amazing, crazy people I am blessed to call my family?

Or what about the ridiculous, somewhat overprotective but nonetheless caring group of people that are my best friends?

How about this main role in Music Man? How did I get it? I don't deserve it, there are other people who could have done it. People with stronger voices that don't crack every time they go higher than a C#. I don't know why I got it, but I did.

There was a time I felt that I didn't fit in with my family, but know I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't in this family. I don't deserve this, don't deserve my friends or family or cats or anything.

So what on earth did I do to get them?

But I guess that's just it. I didn't do anything. And I never could, because I'm a sinner. It's only Something amazingly un-earthly that could have caused me to get this.

It's Jesus.

And that's what He does. He took our shame, and screw-ups, and every bit of sin and gave us things we could never deserve. Family that loves us. Friends that come to see your shows and stay for a half hour to talk afterwards. Main roles that you don't feel that you were good enough for.

Is this His way of telling us that even though we feel worthless sometimes, we are worth it to Him?

Even if we yell at our siblings and stomp around and get mad for no reason before shows or our voices crack during the really dramatic part of the song, we matter. We are worth it. Because Jesus loves us.

I don't deserve this, and I don't pretend that I do. But it's been given to me. It's a blessing, and an amazing one at that, so I'm going to live it out. Especially with time seeming to go so fast, I want to hold onto it and treasure every moment. Even the painful ones where I feel like nobody cares and the joyful ones filled with hugs and laughter.

I'm want to live every second like I mean it, like it's a special gift from God.

Which, I guess, it is.


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This is my first post of the new year! It's crazy that it's 2016 already. I was on YouTube the other day and I looked at the date of an old video and it was 2012, so I was like, "Okay, it's not too old, 2 years" and then I realized that it would be 4 years old by now...yeah.

My life has been pretty crazy lately with dance, Music Man (final show tonight, though,) and school, but in the next few weeks things will get less hectic and will [hopefully] settle into a more laid-back routine.

And now, koala, because I have no better pictures and no life.

2016

Surprise! Me again. After like, a whole three months. 

I guess I've been busy? Nutcracker happened, school happened, Once Upon a Time happened.

Anyway, in the midst of all this ridiculous, amazing busyness, it's been an awesome year. I've decided that it was a year of love. I had quite a few lessons at camp this summer where God taught me about love. I realized (finally) that as Christians, we are to love everyone, not just the ones we would usually be friends with. 

This year, I've made some amazing memories with friends. I've played several parts in various shows and had the time of my life. Easterns happened, which was amazing as usual, and I guess what I'm trying (and failing miserably) to say is that it's been such an amazing year. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me!

Bring it on, 2016. 

   

The Big E

Last night, I got back from the Big E. I went with 4-H, and presented my speech and a dress that I made. 

Now, I'm realizing how much I got used to these people, and how much I miss all of them. 

I don't really know what to do with no more fashion shows and walking around the fair. Just keep the memories, I guess? 

I just want it to happen again. All the laughing and posing and raised eyebrows and jokes and misread names and 'Draw Four's. 

As I sat at that table at night, surrounded by other 4-Hers playing Uno, I asked myself what life would be like without all my friends. 

The answer? Probably pretty boring. 

Yeah, everyone's weird and sometimes rather frightening, but I still love it. And I love them. 

I'm not totally sure what to do now. And I'm also not sure what I wanted to say in this post. I guess it's that when you find friends, hold onto them, and hold onto those moments because you never knew when there will be a time like that ever again. 

July and August 2015

It has come to my attention that my July post is one month late. 

Oops. 

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July 2015

-was finally old enough to help at my church's VBS! I was a snack assistant and I played a reporter in the skits every day. 

-read the Maze Runner series 

-had my birthday

-went to Canobie Lake park for the first time and had a bunch of fun doing rides over and over (and over and over) again…(5 times on the caterpillar…)

-went to see another local production of Peter Pan with the cast of ours. It was a lot of fun! 

-danced a whole lot

-became extremely obsessed with the musical Les Miserables. I regret nothing. 

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August 2015

-went to a family reunion

-attended an awesome Christian teen conference with a few friends and got inspired

-went to CAMP! I had an amazing time, made friends, and felt God teaching me how to really love everyone, not just the people we want to love (a lesson I could often use/put to practice)

-did a theatre camp put in by one of my friends and fellow Lost Boys (The Quest for the Magic Twinkie) in which I played the Evil Queen. 

-danced even more and got my level recommendations for the fall. Level 4 ballet and pre-pointe, 3/4A jazz, and 5 modern. Boo-yah!

-got a Pinterest (not sure if it was a really good decision or a really bad one)

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Ugh, I'm super sorry I haven't done a post in forever. I'm just gonna stop making excuses. 

Also, I started school yesterday. It consists of algebra 2, lit, biology, history, and Bible. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

   Thanks for reading! ☀

(Still regret nothing)

1 Year

Well, I can't really believe it.

It doesn't feel like it's been a whole year since I wrote that first ridiculous blog post. 

But let me tell you, it's been one epic year. It's been full of God, and plays, and dance. I've had some new experiences and taken a few risks. 

And it's been amazing. 

And thanks to you if you've read my terrible, often short posts and put up with my ramblings, either in real life or on here. I love and pray for all of you:)

Over the next year, I intend to settle into a more regular posting schedule. After this Thursday, I'm done with dance til the beginning of September, when I'll be starting ballet, jazz and modern and auditioning for my studio's production of The Nutcracker. 

I've got several subjects that I want to do posts on and I just need to sit down and write somedays instead of being on Pinterest. Or watching OUAT. Or unsuccessfully raiding the fridge. 

Anyway, thanks so much for reading! I hope the next year is full of interesting posts:)

Friendship

Do you ever wonder why your friends chose you?
I do.

Out of everybody in the world they could have possibly chosen for a friend, they chose me.


If you get this Tolkien joke, I applaud you.

That's something I have trouble understanding sometimes. Why is it that you chose this short, stocky, sometimes-introverted triple threat that loves glitter and books?

I'm weird. I mess up my words a lot. I have odd quirks. Yet you still love me.

All those times I shut you out, locked in my own world; when I didn't feel like dancing and wanted to stay in the corner; when I was grumpy (which is a lot sometimes); when I was scared backstage, you never gave up on me.

Why?

I guess that's the great mystery of friendship. You find people you love and stick with them, no matter what.

So this is for my friends.

It's for Kay and Tink and Hawk and the Twins. For Mem, Jess and Anna. For Sky and Benny. For my Bro.

It's for those hours backstage. Those nights in the basement, talking nonsense and hiding under the bed to scare each other. That time we stayed up til 11 on chat because I was watching Phantom of the Opera. For "I need leg room!" and pushing Kay off the bed. Being 'drunk' on ice cream and laughing at nothing. For ripped up costumes and hugs. For drawing classes, charcoal, and being instructed to "Stop acting like children." For the countless birthday parties filled with frosting, whipped cream, and Mad Libs. For all the co-op classes and threats of standing in the corner. For the Big E and Sandstorm and Journey. For singing so loud and obnoxiously, and voices cracking. For plans of Sorelle. For prayers and pass the love and tears.

I love you guys so much.

And thank you for loving me. You pick me up when I'm down, smile when I don't want it, and I can't thank you enough. I don't deserve you.

I was inspired to write this post today because of the birthday of one of my best friends. Our moms taught together and our families have been friends for years. She was born 12 days after me, so we've pretty much known each other our whole lives.  
  Kay--
   Thanks for being such an awesome friend. I love you so much. Have an amazing birthday! <3

Philippians 1:3-4

   I thank my God every time I remember you. In all of my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.

 

 

 

June 2015

Oops.

It's been almost a month since my last post. Why? Maze Runner. And other books for Lit. But mostly Maze Runner. 

Anyway, here goes. 

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June 2015

-Went on our annual camping trip

-Read a lot of books

-Started pre-pointe

-Actually started to make progress in playing The Last Goodbye on the piano

-Watched ALOT of Studio C, ballet videos, and OUAT

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Books I read: (I'm actually not sure which of these I read in June and which ones in July)

-Fahrenheit 451

-Colossus Rising

-Far from the Madding Crowd (a really amazing read)

-Lost in Babylon (sequel to CR)

-Romeo and Juliet

-Tomb of Shadows (in same series as CR and LiB)

-Maze Runner

-Scorch Trials

-Death Cure

I'll be starting a new Lit book soon, probably an abbreviated Oddessy. I'm also kinda reading The Hobbit on the side of that. (Yay for re-reads!!!)

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That pretty much sums up my life of the last month. Also cereal. 

Thanks for listening to my ramblings and I'm sorry again for being so late. I'll hopefully have another post soon (I have several subjects under consideration) 

Happy Wednesday!

(Camping photo)

(Me next to Captain Hook…either he's really tall or I'm really short. Or both.)